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Another day of boredom. Well, it’s really another day of being unproductive. When I am bored at home, or other places, I can always find something to do. When I am work and have few tasks to do, it is difficult to find activities to do. However, it has been decided that it will be productive to write. Why write? Because it is a skill that I have always wanted to keep up with; something special that cannot go to waste.

The state of the world continues to decline; domestically and abroad. It won’t be wise to speculate on what is going to happen; nothing is certain at this time. Yet people go about their daily lives. Why should we stop? We are too comfortably numb to everything. We know what is happening, yet, it is kept in the back of our minds. Some choose to ignore it completely, while others know that it is there and that perhaps, if they carry on with life, it will dissipate.

Why is this country running itself to the ground? Why is this world burning itself out? The ego of men has become too great, that they are willing to destroy the world to achieve success. How can one be successful in a world with nobody in it?

I continue to struggle with the decision of going to graduate school. It seems, with everything that is happening, that it is simply not worth it in the long run. The investment that I am going to receive is not going to be justified, in fact, it will not even be an investment. At this stage of life, it sounds like an absolutely nuisance. Higher loans, higher interest rates, and a lack of an adequate salary increase is not going to inspire or motivate anyone to go back to school. For school is only necessary for people who want to perform certain types of duties; very specific jobs that require the expertise and knowledge of an area of study in order to be completed successfully. My job requires no degree, in all its reality. Anyone could be trained to perform the tasks that I perform, whether they possess a degree or not. The sad reality is that yes, perhaps I, like millions, was scammed into thinking that it was necessary to go to school in order to obtain a “successful” job. But what is a successful job if one is still struggling to pay for the bare necessities? I looked at my credit card account last night, and I was not happy with what I saw. There may have been a few (and just a few) luxury transactions, but they were not of an astronomical account. What truly added up, and quickly, were the essential purchases.
So the cost of living goes up, and the salaries remain the same. It is through this process that the middle class is going to disappear in this “great” country, and there will be nothing left but a struggling class and the wealthy.

The holiday seasons is approaching, and feelings of sadness, anxiety, and melancholy have begun to take over. Despite everything that is happening in the world, and in life, it’s also important to find sometime to water our minds with positive thoughts and imagery. Yes, this is a difficult task, but it is not impossible to achieve. It is very much like trying to write an entry when there isn’t much to say; or when one truly feels that they have written about every single thought and event that occurs in daily life. However, I made a promise to continue writing, no matter what. It cannot be given up. That would be doing a disservice to ourselves, the world, and anyone that could benefit or become inspired by the words found on these writings. It is simple for me to write once I begin, the struggle occurs in the beginning, when my mind is attempting to formulate the main idea of what the paragraphs are going to be about. However, most of these entries are in a narrative format, and the subjects change, with transition, as my thoughts change. Perhaps my brain has a “To do” list, which are the thoughts of the hour, of the moment, that must manifest themselves into words written on a screen.

I have been thinking about starting a blog, however, the process is completely unknown to me. I am also not sure if people would want to read what I write. I am certain that some people could benefit from these words. The question comes down to what type of subjects do I want to write about?

Lately, there is a sense of wanting to do something greater with my life. It’s not that I am completely unhappy, but there is a longing of needing to go above and beyond what is being done at this moment, to achieve something greater than the current work that I am performing. It is one of the most frustrating and soul clenching feelings one could experience, but the positive side of things is that it is an indication of acknowledging that one wants to do better and be better. The journey has to continue, for various reasons, of that I am certain. I am not sure of where it is going to take me. All I pray for is a solution to the uncertainty. It must come from within; I am fully aware. The only ingredient that is missing is a catalyst.

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Today, tonight, is a day that I’ve been looking forward to, for four and half years. Tonight, November 21st, 2017, as of 6:15pm, Eastern Standard Time, the war is over. I am debt free from the iron claws of the Department of Education. The unbelievable sacrifices that have been made to achieve this personal goal tonight, are unheard of. I have done so many things since this financial conflict started to get by. Retailing, dull research projects, cleaning after people, taking care of the mentally ill, enduring the torturous stress of unbearable superiors, and enduring a thousand storms of personal depression. Tonight, the ghosts in the corridors of yesteryears have vanished. No more wasting of our income to satisfy the interest rates of a system that steals from the unsuspecting, the ignorant, the uneducated on financial matters. The College system and Department of Education of this country are nothing more than profit making thieves. They are liars, bandits, frauds, embarrassments, manipulators, gangsters, corrupted thieves.

There were many nights, many late nights, that my mind took advantage of me to create misery and grief. There were many nights that I wondered how I would make it through, moments when I proclaimed that the only way out of this aberration was to die. Tonight, I have proved the naysayers wrong. Tonight, I have proved the loser deep inside of me wrong. Tonight, I have proved myself wrong. There is nothing stronger than determination, hope, and an infinite quantum of patience. Gone are the days of wondering if I would be that elderly man, being haunted by debt callers, having my income deducted to pay for loans, worrying about being incarcerated or hunted like a wild animal.

Tonight is a victory for the many people that have woken up, and decided to reject the system which teaches society that in order to succeed in life, one must go to a traditional school and become indebted. Tonight is a victory that I dedicate to millions around the country and perhaps the globe, whom are still struggling to find a way to pay back monstrous loan amounts to the institutions that promised them a sanctuary but delivered them into the ninth circle of hell. I may not know your circumstances, I may not know your personal stories, but I can tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. All you have to do is believe and have patience. There is a way out of every situation, as long as you believe in your heart that you can find a way to get out. Never give up the fight. Never give up the struggle. Never give up on trying to find a way to tell the corrupt system that you will not falter, and that you will fight back with every single cell in your body to obtain this freedom.

Gone are the days where people believed that studying hard, obtaining good grades, and continuing education for 4 or 8 more years will bring you success. This system is crumbling, people are waking up. The debt ceiling will have no limit, as it will continue to pile up with the debts of millions that are unable to pay back. People are abandoning the old ideas of going to school to become indebted with degrees that will not lead to success. It is time to think outside of the box. It is time to put everything you know behind, and listen to the minds of those who know the truth and see it for what it is. The society that we are living in is a fraud. It is a lie; everything you have been told is deceit. The powers that be are keeping people below their means in order to succeed.

Today’s historic occurrence would not have been possible without the support of my family. It would not have been possible for me to continue moving forward without their unconditional love. Perhaps this may not be the case for many others, but the tools to help you are out there; believe me. Believe in yourself. Believe that there is a way out of this situation and utilize as many resources as possible. Dig deeper; do not follow traditional paths, for they will only lead you into the edge of the abyss.

I may not know what the future holds, and perhaps nobody does know what is going to happen. But the one thing that I know, which is clear, is that I have eradicated this debt by myself. This is one of my greatest personal achievements of all time, and I will remember this day for as long as I live. The inspiration and relief that I feel at this moment cannot be replaced or matched by anything else. There is no greater satisfaction than to know that I will no longer be exploited by those who are meant to help me. So wake up, find strength, even in the smallest of things, fight your fight, pave your future, and end your war.

I guess nobody has been reading these anymore in the past few weeks; but that is not the intent of these anyway. Who knows if they ever DID read them in the past.

It’s another week night and another day of wondering what direction my life is taking. I think that my relationship has taken a turn for the interesting “worse” if that’s even the right word I am using. He is a very good boyfriend, but I think that as a person, he does have a lot of things that he needs to work on. We all do, but I suspect that maybe he has some type of personality disorder. Then again, aren’t we all sick with weirdness? But in all seriousness, his type of personality is very different from mine. Is that something that I can deal with in the long run? I have learned a lot about myself, about life, and about relationships during the duration of this romance. Is it time to let go and find someone that is more suitable?
The most frustrating part is that basically, the last 6 or 8 years have been spent trying to connect with decent men, and nothing has been long term and successful. Yes, maybe it did not help that sex apps and websites were being used to meet these people, but it is sad to believe that not a single man has stuck around long enough for it to be called a genuine friendship. Forget relationships, not even a friendship has resulted from this. And then, the last year and a half was spent trying to also find someone interesting. Yes, I was looking in the wrong place, but even the men that were very similar to me in terms of hobbies, interests, and personality did not work out. Is that only because they wanted to have sex? Is it only because, after seeing that I wanted something deeper, it was not what they wanted? And yet, the person that I connected with instantly is very different from me. He does not see life 100% the same way as I do, and maybe nobody ever should see life 100% of the same way that someone else does. But still, it would be a lot easier if that percentage was that of a healthy amount.

I used to be very jaded, and maybe I still am on certain things. It’s easier to live in La La land and pretend that everything is going very well. And maybe things are going much better than they used to, but that perfection and idealism that everyone strives for is never going to come. Maybe going on vacation with him is going to be the last frontier; the last test to see if things will truly last. Some say that a year is a good trial period for any relationship. After the year goes by, the people involved start to ask themselves if this is something that they would be wanting to do for the long term. As of now, it kills me to say that there is a slight chance that this is not the relationship for me. It makes me angry to think about all of the men that I have met, all of the fiascos, drama, unpleasant moments, and nonsense that has been dealt with….and finally, along comes somebody that seems to understand and pick up on the qualities that I have identified as repelling many others in the past. So why is he still here? Why, after many times of saying otherwise, is he still staying? Maybe he suffers from what we all suffer from; thinking that this could be it, not wanting to be lonely…thinking that maybe there is nobody else out there for them. I admit that finding somebody with a good head on their shoulders is extremely difficult. Yes. Some say that it is the state that we are living in, but reports have revealed that others feel the same way out of state. So what else is there to seek? It is amazing to me that many men would act shocked at the revelation that I have a full time job and a car. But isn’t that a given? Isn’t that something that every sane, level person that has a vision for their life want? So many lost souls in this sea of darkness, and so much drug use taking place. It is very sad.

Anyway. There is a staff picnic tomorrow that is going to help me get my mind off of things. Today, a conference that got out early, so it was a nice break from the office. All I have is Friday and then the weekend. And the following week, I have to get through two days and then vacation.

But speaking of vacation, M has revealed some family tragedies and that it might disrupt the time that was planned. Prayers and thoughts to the family going through a difficult time. And when I say prayers, I do not mean religious prayers, but hopes of good will and fortune for a favorable outcome.

I saw SE yesterday; they say that there are about 3 weeks left before the end. But the caretakers think otherwise; much more time left. Still, it was a difficult visit. Not as difficult as initially predicted, but tough enough. It was hard to see a hospital bed in the room, and it was sad not to get a reaction after a “Hello” or the calling of a name. So this is how it all ends; devoid of reality, in a blissful sleep, awaiting the end. What else is there to do? I try my best not to think about these things, because they could trigger some thoughts that relate to the existential crisis of last year. That is not a good place to be in, and I do not want to go back to that place again. I worry immensely for future losses.

And today, there was some light depression in my head. A sense of not knowing what to do with my life. A sense of not knowing what to do and where to move to if my relationship ends. Make no mistake; I will be devastated if it does end, but life is much better if one seeks the meaning behind everything, as long as it is not causing madness.

I am a human, and like the rest of the world, I have no idea what I am doing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow marks a week since I went to Vermont. It was a truly magnificent experience; I haven’t been since June of last year. The way of life up there is much more different than it is here. Everything is slower…people seem to be nicer, happier, and relaxed. Of course, that is not the way that things are in this dump. People are miserable, pathetic, and disgusting. Sad. But I won’t let that ruin me. Going to Vermont is like going to a whole other world. I wish that it was eternal summer…I would pack everything and move up there. Yes, I would be willing to leave my life behind and start new. The only problem is that I could not survive the Winters there. I already struggle with our mild Winters. And speaking of seasons, summer is coming to an end soon and I am already feeling dreadful about it. It was not long enough and it was gone much too soon…like everything in life. I am not going to get into that.

I continue to read my diary entries from yesteryears and I am so amazed at the transformations that I have gone through. Even though I am not finished yet (and I will be very sad when I do, these are just amazing and put a lot into perspective), I can see how far I have come. I can see how much my mind has changed. Today, I can say that for once, maybe since I was a child, I am very happy with my life. There are things that have not yet been achieved (moving out of state, living alone, paying off debt, etc.), but we are close to being debt free, and that will transition us into moving out in the coming months. Change is possible, and for me, things did get better. I realize that this is not the case for a lot of people. I remember asking: “How do you know that it gets better? You don’t know.”  And yes, we might not actually know that it gets better. Maybe that saying is for people whose lives DID get better, so they are allowed to tell others “It gets better,” but what they are really trying to say is, “It got better for me, so there is a possibility that it might get better for you.” I am one of the few lucky ones whose life really did get better. I count my blessings each and every single day. I am thankful for all of the positive changes and the stability that life has brought to me in the last year or so. Finally, finally, I can look back to these older diary entries and feel a sense of security, feel a sense of relief, that all of that pain, torture, and depression is so far away, that I am not able to see it in the rearview mirror. It’s like the giant mountain that slowly disappears out of view, so you shift your eyes and look forward, because there is nowhere else to look but ahead. I really am happy that this is how my life is turning out so far. Yes- there will be times of struggle and hardship; that is inevitable. But in the great scheme of life, there is nothing that I can complain about. Thank you life for all of the abundance. I am overjoyed. Positive changes are very possible, and for me, yes, it got better.

I am glad the week is over. It was busy and a little stressful at times, but we managed. I am also thankful that there is no more tension in my relationship. I had to cut J out completely because after stating that boundaries had to be respected, the message did not truly resonate, and so, I was left with no choice. This was the only choice; it was the right decision. This is something that I should have done a very long time ago. My naive spirit got the best of me, and I confess that I did not think that this would be a problem. Had there been hindsight, none of this would have happened. Just know that there was no harm intended on my part; no malicious or ill will plans. This was truly an honest mistake; which was accepted as being on our part, and it will provide a great and significant opportunity for self growth. It is better to learn about this now than to learn it later on in life. Yes, that is what life is all about, for some, learning lessons. But these lessons can only be learned through mistakes. The only downside is that my partner had to suffer and felt hurt by these mistakes. The positive side of this story is that this will never happen again, and that it is finally behind us both. Everything truly does happen for a reason, and if life dictated that J had to leave forever, then I accept what life has to teach me. It is important to always be open to change. It is important to embrace our errors, mistakes, mishaps, and to learn from them. It is pointless to beat ourselves up and focus on the feelings of dread that they might cause. What we need to do, and what we should have done a long time ago, is to take these mistakes and only focus on the positive, and on what each of these had to teach us. That way, they would not be committed again.

Not much going on this weekend. I am still struggling with the fact that my partner is not as active as I am. Everything else has finally fallen into place, and I truly feel that all of our hurdles are finally behind us. But at the end of the day, this is something that I cannot simply ignore. It bothers me, and I am trying to come around so that it does not bother me. Something can fix this, right? I do believe that there are solutions to these type of things. I am trying to find out how to exactly handle this situation…and the hope is that it can somehow be resolved. The best thing is to avoid conflict. However, at the end of the day, a part of me feels disappointed. Reading through these past entries, through the years, there is a common theme (among many), and that is to find something to have a connection with. The greatest irony of all, is that I have met men in the past that had very similar interests to mine, but there was never a true connection there. Perhaps with only two, but I drove them away. And still, the circumstances of life back then would not have allowed the relationship to work out. And now that I made an instant connection to someone, which has resulted into my first adult relationship, there are “problems” because he practically does not like to do anything. Only time will tell what is going to happen. I know that I would be devastated if things came to an end, but as my wise friend said to me recently, “Opposites attract, but do they stay together?”

It’s important to always remember and never forget that we must never worry about the things that we cannot control. This is something that is often forgotten about during daily life because of getting caught up in all of the insignificant details.

If something is meant to work out, it will simply find a way to work out along with the effort of those who want it so. Otherwise, it is important to simply move on until everything eventually falls into place. For a lot of us, everything is going to fall into place. And if things don’t, we have no choice but to accept reality for what it is.

I will continue to have a relaxing weekend and count the blessings, as should you all.

More later, of course.

I am writing today because I want to document how happy I am and feel. The purpose of writing is not to always document the times of sadness, despair, and torments. It is also vital to documents the moments when we feel happy; for some of us, there are not many.
But tonight, the vibes are different. I am immersing myself in emotions and all sorts of stimuli to enhance my living experience. It is a wonderful, present moment that defines infinity at its purest form. What a beautiful and rare event. It is so important to count the blessings every single day. Yes, the routines might be in place for quite sometime, but in those moments, the task is to stay focused on the good things. The task if to stay focused on the possibilities of the future while loving the seconds of the present. This is a beautiful way to live. I have been to the bottom of the abyss; and as they say, the only way to go is upwards and outwards. I am very proud of the accomplishments that I have carried out for myself in such short time…some people take years to achieve their goals…perhaps even a lifetime. But my goals are being met, slowly, but surely in a rapid manner.

So a moment of happiness and cheer for all of the good things to come in the future. It does get better; they were not lying after all. It does get better for a lot of us…and in a world where injustices and cruelty take place, this is a comforting fact. Not everyone can be saved, and not all of us will make it to the end. But to those of us that do, it is an important piece of evidence that the Universe works in strange ways. This cannot be explained.

The year is almost over…my annual reflection address will soon be written. Drama has already taken place at my new job, albeit insignificant. Humanity continues to implode…the barbarism in full force until the bitter end. The deplorable king will tale office soon; but I suspect a disastrous term. Perhaps this will be the last time that this is mentioned on this blog…unless a course altering event eliminates the mandate.

Winter is bitter and dark; the sun seldom makes an appearance. As the holidays fast approach, sentiments loom over the many changes that unfoled this year. I am doing my very best to accomodate all; and grace them with my presence (friends, family, and my significant other).

The plan for 2017: continue to save up as much as possible, and look for a place to live on my own after the Fall ends. This will allow for a substantial amount to be secured. They say that a good way to make life laugh is to make plans…but what else is there left to do? I try my best to stay occupied, to maintain my brain active…yoga and cognitive puzzles are a blessings. Further, there isn’t a single day that goes by in which music is not a part of daily life.

Sent a couple of holiday cards last week…gratitude has come back to knock on my door, and it will continue to do so, as long as it continues to be shared.

Let us be kind to one another, and remember that there are many across the world who have nobody, and have lost everything. Even if one may not be religious, let us pray and send our most pure and sincere positive energies to the many who are suffering. May they find a light at the end of the tunnel.

Last night, I went to the emergency room with an infection. Details will not be discussed.
As I lay there, in that hospital bed, my hopes and dreams for the future came to a stand still. Although it was not a life threatening condition, it was still a moment of fear. Perhaps not sheer fear, but fear enough to case me to shake uncontrollably with anxiety, sending my blood pressure to unwanted levels.
As people around me came and went, the most conspicuous occupant was a deluded man, screaming that he did not want to die. Being an introvert, the stimulus was too much for me. My brain could not help but to capture every action and event around me. But it was in that hospital bed, that I realized god was truly dead. There is absolutely no chance that there is a benevolent being that is looking after humanity. We are all alone in our suffering, at the cosmic level. Perhaps it should bring solace to many that we have each other when we suffer, and, after all, that could very well be one of the many purposes of life; to take care of one another in times of need. I still believe, above all, that there is a purpose to life. I still believe that the god we must worship is visible, and that it was created by a force that we cannot understand.
I find it curious that, for some reason, I felt some type of peace. Although the atmosphere was terrible, torturous even, I knew then, laying that hospital bed, that I truly have absolutely no control over my life. Yes, we may have control over what clothes to wear, or what food to eat, or what time we retire to bed, but we do not have control over the bigger panorama. As stated before, “the key to a happy life is to accept that we are never in control.” And perhaps this is the cause of our massive anxiety; wanting to be in control. But we have to learn to let go.

Last night was an experience that taught me about the fragility of life, the meaning of true love, the doubts over our purpose, the continuous struggle with suffering, and the importance of cultivating the present time. We came to this world to love one another, to show compassion towards one another, and to encourage each other to succeed. Systems may be broken, politicians corrupt, injustices committed, but we have to learn how to truly take care of one another. We have to do our best to learn how to react to the situations that we do not control. A lot of times, it is important to understand that what truly matters is how we react and how we manage the situations that life brings our ways. Because there will always be situations that life brings to us. We may simply be sitting at home, but they shall come nevertheless.

Although what ocurred to me last night was not life threatening, it still opened my eyes to some of the unpleasant truths about our world. This does not mean that I will give up. I will continue to strive for a better life. I will continue to seek out the best opportunities and surround myself with the people that I care about. Love is, perhaps, the single most important aspect of life. Love is the strength that keeps us living. It is the glue that binds us with our hopes and desires. It is compassion and happiness. There is no choice for me but to continue to lead a normal life, as best as I can, and make the best out of the present situation. After all, as they always say, things could be much worse. I am blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

November it’s here. It’s difficult for me to imagine that the year is almost over. It’s almost difficult to imagine, that soon, a year will have passed since her passing. When I think about all of the things that I have done this year, all of my trips, activities, and work related activities, it makes sense that the year has gone by quicky. At the same time, it does not feel this way. Perhaps, sometime during the summer, I lost myself in a world of fantasy, and ignored the fact that my mental health was taking a terrible toll. Maybe this was a brief period of tranquility, which mystifies me. I know that thoughts must be changed to those of happiness.

Yoga rates for last month were terrible. I have to do a better job this month and try my best to do a lot more…October was busy. There is nothing more that I look forward to than to do yoga on the beach, every day, once I go away on vacation to the island. I did yoga yesterday, for the first time in 4 days, and it felt wonderful. It was very refreshing to feel that peace, that inner happiness, and tranquility that comes with the exercise.

Frustrations continue to overcome me regarding finances…and maybe the process of paying off the loans will be delayed for a month or two. There are tough, pressing questions that I have to ask myself regarding what to do with the significant amount of money that will be saved. Should it all be gone in one swing to get rid of the student debt, forever? Should I save it and continue to pay loans, as if nothing was happening, until they are paid off when I am in my late 30s (if I even get to that age)? The initial plan now is to pay them off and work at this new job for a year…save up as much as possible and see where things go with my new relationship. I am not going to be stuck living in the future anymore, I am only going to focus on the present moment and enjoy things as they are. My mistake was to wish for things to come by quickly, while forgetting to live in the present moment. Perhaps this is something that many people struggle with…always wishing for a better tomorrow instead of making the best out of today. It is such an important, yet overlooked aspect of life. Enjoy what we have today so that we may enjoy what we have tomorrow…if we still have it.

There are two final trips to be made before the year ends. After this, I will take some time to rest and re-think the present situation…but not too much. Thinking about things too much brings despair.

Predictions are in regarding winter; sheer cold but not too much snow. I prefer the snow over the cold, but perhaps this is for the best. I wonder if this will be my last winter in this place. I have stopped wondering about those things…each year that I have stated wanting to leave this place, I end up being stuck here. So no more energies left to ponder about that, but to focus on current plans and to make sure that goals are met.

Work has been keeping me busy, despite a low case count. This is the busiest I have been in a very long time…how interesting. In any case, a part of me will not miss being a social worker. I am tangled up in my own life to be tangled up in the deeper struggles of others. It can be draining…and this is something that I do not need at the moment. I need all the energies I can muster to continue to navigate life and address the challenges that will come my way…and challenges will come. But I am a strong person, and I hope that through these writings, someone will benefit. Even if it is just one person, then I have made a significant difference. This is the way that I like to think about things. No more time for negativity, it has drained me and deeply affected those around me. I no longer want to harm those people. I no longer want to harm myself. I no longer want to live the life of depression and anxiety. It was dark, bleak, and gray. But now, it’s time to see colors. Yes, difficult days will come, but it is up to my thoughts to decide how to react to those difficult days. It is also important to remember that things could always be so much worse, and that there are many across the globe who would love to trade places with me, even for a couple of hours. I am very fortunate for what I have, and thankful to the Universe for providing me with what I have today. Some may say that my existence was random, and even if they are correct, it still does not take away the fact that I am thankful for everything that I have in this life…for my family and friends that care about me and want me to be well. Yes, the Universe has blessed me. Even if tomorrow is time to return to the Earth, it does not take away the fact that I am lucky to have what I have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am now 27. There are a couple of things that I want to note. The first is that I do not make enough money, but then again, the general population does not make enough money. I do not feel any older, nor do I look any older to my eyes when I look at myself in the mirror. But, I do know that I am older. I will miss being 26 very much…it has been my favorite age so far. I felt so infinite and indestructible. I felt like nothing bad could happen to me. Bad things did happen, not to me, but to those that I care about. I experienced death for the second time, but in this case, it was much closer to me. The jaws were so close but far from me…I have learned that tomorrow, sadly, is not guranteed. So what am I to do? Not give a fuck. Not give a fuck what people say, and live my life the best way that I can. Which brings me to the second point; I am very proud of the travels that I experienced this year. I stuck to my promise and was able to finally go to places that I have been meaning to go to for a long time. And, my mother and I discovered a beach in Rhode Island that makes one not think that one is in New England. Still, I love New England, it is so pretty. But, the winter makes it difficult.

Now, I am in a constant struggle to pay off my student debt. No matter how hard I try, it is so difficult to save up money because I am always spending money on some awful and ridiculous bill, or going out with friends, or buying something cute for myself. The way I see it, the amassing of material possessions is something that makes me happy. I know that when I leave this world, I will take nothing with me. In fact, there is a lyric from a song, its name escapes me at this time, that goes: “One day you’ll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember.” Yes, I want to live a life that I will remember. And this year, I have done a lot of things for myself that have made me happy.

I slept around with a decent amount of guys, but now, I am happily settled with someone that deeply cares about me. I deeply care about him too. I am excited to see what the future holds for him and I. I am also excited that I am no longer going to be a social worker. This is something that I thought I would never be able to do. This is something that I never saw myself doing. But, knowing that I have made a difference in the lives of others is very rewarding and significant. But, I must move to other things in my life. I must strive to be great. Sure, I do not make enough money to be stable yet, but I know that one day, everything is going to be ok, and if it is not, then it is no big deal.

Aunties project will be renwed late next year. It is up to me to make the best of next year, and see where things go. I will finally be debt free. I am still unsure of when exactly that will be, but I project that it will be early in the year. I am trying my best to stay as positive as I can. Yes. I am trying my best to just take things day by day. This year has been an absolute roller coaster, and I am taking the good with the bad in order to make the best of things. Now that I think about it, 2016 has been a turning point in my life. My friend passed away, I experienced death near and dear to my heart, I grew a lot from my job, I went to wonderful places, I had a lot of sexcapades, I soaked up the sun in wonderful places, witnessed the majestic beauty of Vermont, and met someone who truly and deeply cares about me in a way that no man has done in a very long time. So, in summary, 2016 has been good to me, despite the major tragedy that ocurred in February. All of this has been a lesson for me, and it has helped me become a better and kinder human being. This is truly the most remarkable experience that anyone could ever live. Life itself is the rarest of phenomenans, and we may never find out the answer to the big questions, but we know that life is good, life is short, life is sweet…and that death is peaceful. I face the next year with optimism and wisdom. The older I get, the wiser I become. You learn so many things from being in this world and meeting new people. All experiences are important for all of us, and I will contibue to try to succeed, hope for the best, and work towards a better future for myself and those around me. I will never give up hope, and my dreams are more alive than ever.