I really long for more in life. Truly. Trying to stay away from social media and talking a lot to other people. It just seems to me, seems that everyone is having much more fun. What happened to working full time? Do people just not have responsibilities? It’s interesting. Well maybe I am looking at the wrong people then, who aren’t there yet. Poor J was telling me the other day that he has not had a day off in more than two weeks. Deplorable. I should write to him to make sure he is okay.

June was boring. Nothing but rain and thunder. Few nice days here and there…but it was so hot, yes very hot. I should stop complaining though. It could be much worse. Much much worse.

Auntie was not going to the wedding because of marital problems (not my business), but I found out that yes, she will be going after all. It was stressing me out having to tell my boyfriend that it would only be my parents after all. That would have been so sad, nobody but your parents and your brother going to your wedding from your family. Well, stress averted. In less than a month all of this will finally be over. Yes.

Just wishing and longing for the day of moving out. Just need to make sure that everything is in order. I have come so far and have paved the way for this…it should have happened sooner, but I will take what I can get at this point.
Work continues to keep me busy, and the people continue to provide me with life experiences and new ways of seeing my life. Those poor souls, how they suffer. We live in an extremely unjust world. It’s very sickening; that’s why I don’t believe in a religious god. Although it’s very interesting that most of these people still believe in god and mention that their faith is what keeps them going. I am always amazed at this. But just because I don’t believe in something it does not mean that it is not real to someone else. I always make sure to respect others as long as no harm is being done by what they believe in. But that’s another story.

B has been needy ever since he broke up with his boyfriend, and sometimes he can just get too much…so I do my best to avoid him and not reply to his messages right away. But it’s interesting to note that he has been talking to me a lot more than usual now that he is single. Still, I just don’t want to see him right now. I did tell him that Friday I would be able to see him, but I honestly have to think about it. He can be very exhausting, and he has a tendency to flash his fortunes (new car, no school debt, moving away) to me. I am not sure if it is just to me, but still, it gets draining. And speaking of draining, I feel a headache coming.

I have a long day tomorrow…have to start the day at 8 o’clock and probably won’t be able to get back home until 5:30 in the evening. I don’t think I am going to the gym tomorrow, which is sad to me because I am trying to stay away from my house as much as I can. I love my parents but it just feels very awkward living here. Although today I was seriously wondering to myself how I am going to be able to live out on my own with all the bills that I am going to be paying. Well, people manage don’t they? Why can’t I? I am sure something will work out…I hope so. And being in a relationship is good too because in the end, one can have financial advantages once you are living with that person. No? It’s always interesting to think about. I just have to play it good and just make sure not to create any more tension. I can’t take it anymore. I am willing to sacrifice much for my mental health and stability.

I can’t write anymore I think I have to take my eyes off of the computer screen right now.

More later.

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