I took a long drive through the country today on my way to a visit. Beautiful back country and farm land with rolling hills in the background…like a dream. I really loved it; today was a beautiful summer day. It looks like it’s going to rain on saturday and now I feel depressed that I haven’t been to the beach yet. I just can’t think about the fact that I am only allowed to go the beach a few times during the year. I want to live in a place where the weather is enjoyable all year round. Sure, winter can be pretty at times, but it’s just not enjoyable whatsoever; I really hate the cold.

Also feelings of dread come and go as I think about the lame weekly routine…well, don’t want to sound negative at all. I just wish that there was more to life than this. Truly. It doesn’t seem like there will ever come a day where those damn loans are paid off…always something holding me back. Yes I know that I have come a long way, but impatience seems to be taking over lately. When I think about and read the entries from several years ago, it is so amazing how far I have come in this journey so far, and how so many of the things that I wished for back then have actually happened. Not everyone has that luxury. Not everyone has that amazing opportunity to read back at their life experiences and compare them to how things are in the present moment and smile because of realization that things are much better. And yes, many things have finally come to fruition, but of course as a human I am still not completely happy with the way things are in my life, well, nobody will ever be happy anyway.

I have to be thankful and show gratitude every single day…and also make the best of every day, no matter what. Yes, this is hard to do at times, and the wanting for more tends to take over here and there (more than we would like), but really, the key is to make the best of each day, no matter what…and that takes a lot of strength and patience.

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