I have enough to pay off school. But now, I have to wait maybe a month or two to pay it all off to ensure that I have enough left in my bank account to pay for other bills. It will all finally be over soon…impatience has taken over at times.

Nothing to do today because the weather was not cooperating. But now it changed to 71 and some sun…of course it would, towards the end of the day. My boyfriend came out to a walk with me last week and I was very shocked that he said yes. I got another ultimatum and I truly believe that this will be the last chance that he will ever give me. And I understand him. I understand the things that I have put him through, but he also has put me through other things…maybe not as deliberately as I have, but still. I guess we forgave each other. I hope that everything stays peaceful…for our sake.

Going to try to smoke weed again to see what happens. Also trying to get into the gym again…but it’s a waiting game because of having to see when the promotion comes out.
Going to do my best to live it up this summer. Nothing or anyone is going to stop that from happening.

Laying here in my old bed…thinking about the things that have happened in the past, and how everything has somehow changed. I look forward to the day, sometime later this year, where I can finally move out. After all of this time! I am very excited to begin this process sometime in the Fall. Probably closer to my birthday. That would be such a fun birthday present to myself…to be able to find a place. I know that it will happen.

It has been a slow beginning to the year, but next month we will be half way done, once more. It is difficult to think how fast the years are going by. Soon we will all be dead…just kidding. But I will say that ever since I got over my existential crisis, I arrived at the resolution to live it up as much as I can. Isn’t that what everyone does anyway? Yes. And so will I. This is why I am trying to have as many experiences as possible…but at the same time, it leaves me thirsty for me. I think that there is no satisfying the human hunger for more. People want more things every day…no matter how much they get.

Last summer was memorable, so in keeping with tradition, this summer will be no different. I am happy that I can get to work in another location that is rarely monitored by the higher ups…so I can escape and do whatever I want when the opportunity calls for it. But I have to admit that I will never do this if I have outstanding work to do. I always make sure that I finish my work before I do something outside of the office. Nothing is every truly left undone…of course unless I genuinely have no time to do it because I am busy doing other things.

I think I have arrived at the conclusion that my mind is obsessed with thinking about the near future…next week, next month. It is part of having an anxious personality disorder, I guess. But that is why maybe the weed will help. Trial and error will only tell. I have to somehow figure out how to get a weed pouch…or toiletry case. Maybe ebay will help…Louis Vuitton again? If the price is right, and only if the price is right, of course.

More wars and conflict above, and I do my best to stay away from it all because I have to protect the last bit of tranquility that I have left in this world.

Well. That is it. Later. More later.

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