Started to buy lottery tickets. It’s amusing to me that in the show I am currently watching, the character always has the same predicaments in each season: delusional, with broken dreams and jaded hopes about her future…fighting against the impossible and the odds. This is how my life is going at the moment.

I began to write an entry at work this morning, but realized that since my device is not immune from the prying eyes of administrators, I deleted it. It was a fine piece…filled with petty complaints and questions of purpose and meaning. The typical bullshit I write about.

I’m starting to wonder if relationships are for me. So much easier being a whore, but the energy that it takes out of you is a truly negative experience. Still. What am I doing right now? The truth is, that I don’t know what I am doing with my life. The prospect of being wealthy is dead, so now, like every other slave and victim of capitalism, must focus on money and not the quality of the job. They say to find something you love and turn it into a paycheck, but it makes me laugh, because the majority of the world simply cannot afford to do this.

The weather was nice today. In the 50s. What a delightful surprise. Yet, today I feel drained. Maybe I will go to bed early today. What am I writing about today, anway?

A voice in my head keeps telling me to “just try” to be positive and be vigilant of changes. But does it take more energy to be positive than negative? Consider the reality of life, and maybe this is why I can’t be optimistic. Wish that I had the answers to everything. Don’t you?