The end of October has come; tomorrow the people will continue their robotic, yearly routines. But I do enjoy being festive.

Today, B told me that he grew up and realized that everyone is selfish and that life is nothing but pain and suffering until you die. What nonsense! My reply was simple: Not really sure what kind of people he is surrounding himself with.
But everything is all about the perspective of life. I am very fortunate, even though there are many instances where those close to me drive me to insanity. But isn’t that in every household? We also forget that we drive others insane; did you think you were a perfect saint?

I went to Salem yesterday and it was a nightmare! Not because there were costumes everywhere, but because it was far too crowded. It would have been more fun to absorb the historical and cultural aspects of the place, rather than focusing on the consumerism. Sad! In every corner, people were too busy consuming their lives away…we simply think that we “have” to buy things. What good will that do? The satisfaction is only temporary. But in any case, the ride was too long for my taste…but at least the trip was enjoyed and with good company.

I did yoga again today after 4 days of not doing it. I keep forgetting how important it is to do, but I get so busy with daily life that I am just too tired at the end of the day. Still, I make every effort possible. I decided that I am going to live a positive life, and that includes trying to be away from my house as much as possible. I dislike coming home and being asked how my day was, etc. etc. Yes, I am grateful that there are people that care about me, but I just don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s bizarre. But I know that this is not the way that things have to be.

In any case, two more weeks until my job ends, and then vacation for two weeks. The election is sneaking up on us…trying not to think about it. Either way, life is not going to be magically fixed.

Excited for the Vermont trip next Saturday, but not excited to spend money. Trying to save money has become a thing of the past, for those of us who are not wealthy, so we have to try to make the best of things. All I know is that before the middle of next year, all of my loans will finally be paid off. The feeling of being debt free is going to be worth it in the end. Patience is very important. It can only get better after that, so they say. I have learned not to expect anything from life.

Feelings of dread have taken over me because of living in this place…it is so dead. And going 0ut of state yesterday only validated this feeling for me. It was so amazing to see the many corporate buildings along the way, yet, there is nothing here but “death and taxes” as my friend said this morning. Sad, but true. My boyfriend wants to move to Florida or California if the business he is working for expands. I sure hope so, but in any case, I have to focus on the present moment. Things could always change, like the direction of the wind.

More later, I suppose.