Auntie is leaving for the Dominican tomorrow to begin preparations for the event in October. This is the last opportunity we will have.

Feelings of despair and being useless overpower me today. I feel lost in life…almost 27 and not much to show for it. Aboslutely no clue on what to do with myself, nor my life. A conversation today with my father; scolded him because he disapproved of me going for an interview at a major car maker to sell cars. After he tells me that my current job is something to move on from, he disapproves of this potential opportunity. I do not understand it, and let him know. I have done whatever it took for money and experience…it has been a long way and I am very proud of myself. Still…a feeling that I have failed persists. It’s always about wanting more, and wanting to do better things with my life. But what is there to do in this state? It has gone bankrupt. There are no true opportunities here, and there is no way to move out. Not financially stable to do so, and still under debt. As 30 years of being alive fast approaches, these feelings are justified. They say to give things time, but no matter what anyone says, desperation haunts me.

Being alive now seems like an illusion. Why am I alive? How is it even conceivable?

Off to Rhode Island tomorrow. I will lose myself in the waves of the ocean.

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