I spent the weekend and Monday in Cape Cod and they were the most amazing days that I have spent in a long while. In those 3 days, I felt more alive than I have felt this entire year. I felt alive in the ocean, alive on the beach, alive in the house, alive on the roads. We spent some time at the beach during night time and it was a spiritual and magnificent experience. I have never gone to the beach at night time, and as fire works blew in the distance, I felt a sense of wonderful bliss and magic. I am so lucky and happy to have experienced this. The trip itself was exhausting, and the heat did not allow me much sleep…I would have liked to tell my friend that she needed air conditioning, but I did not want to be rude.

Back home, I realized that the time has arrived to look for new jobs. And so I have initiated this search. The sooner the better…but my impatience is beginning to show. I know that this is a process that will take some time…and I need to be patient. I can’t help but to compare it to last year. I began to look in January, and by April I had an offer. I know that comparison is poison, and so I will wait until the right opportunity arrives. I cannot give up, I won’t give up.

I have been dating someone for two weeks now, and it is wonderful. Every time I see him, I feel like it is the first time that I am seeing him. He is not like other guys. I have a good feeling about him, but alas, I am still getting to know him, and two weeks is nothing.

Some people have been blocked from my phone, and I shall not look back. B confessed to me, today, that he regrets his antipathy towards me and that he wishes we were as close as we once were. I told him that I am older now, and that if people want to stay in touch, great…and if they don’t, great! I have no time to waste. But is this the end of B? It has been an iconic friendship…but after this brief exchange of words, I am not sure where things are headed. He claims he does “not know who to be”. I wish he was the man I grew to love deeply as a friend, even if we never met in person.

Fear of death has gone away. I am on the path to leading a normal life. G is helping me…he is so sweet. I wish I could see him every day, but it is difficult because I have to complete my routine and dislike going out weeknights.

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