Back from the Rhode Island shore. But I was not able to go to Newport after all. Still, it was a lovely beach day…although the sun was burning hot. Some thoughts of death and anxiety visited me…but I managed. It was one of those moments where I found myself in disbelief of my own existence. A combination of “Why?” and “How?”.

I am seeing someone…but not official yet. I am not wanting to make it official because I want to take things slow to make sure that this person is right for me to make it official. Last night, he said he “needs” love. I would want to be with someone who “wants” love instead of “needing”. When I asked him if he didn’t think it sounded co-dependent to say he needed love, he said I was too “high strung” and “thought too much of things”. But I am not thinking too much, I am asking valid questions. Maybe I am meant to be alone…forever. Maybe relationships are not for me. Time will only tell…but I do like him. I have to be careful with the things I tell him, I find myself getting carried away, so from now on, I have to be on my guard to make sure that I don’t say things that could make it more complicated.

Another week of work tomorrow…I want to call out. I have barely anything to do. I am suffering in this job, and I have begun to apply for others. How little there is around here. Very depressing. It feels as though I am wasting my life in this place. But what can I do? I am not making excuses…just acknowledging the fact that I am not in the best financial position to move out yet.

Aunt said that there may be a chance that she moves to the Dominican in the “coming years” where she will be able to launch her business, according to her husband. But their claims are to be taken with a grain of salt. So many claims have turned to sand and disappointed me, I no longer believe what they tell me.

I called my brother but he did not pick up, as usual. He sent me a message stating he would call me later today, as he is having a busy weekend, but that I also doubtful.

Cried last night over my dead friend, again. Whenever I am having a life experience, I am torn apart because she should be alive, experiencing it. To die young is the greatest of all tragedies. I miss her, even if she never trusted in me to divulge her woes.

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