Another early day. I am glad that my boss is away on vacation. It makes everything a lot easier and less stressful. I smoke from my co-worker’s blunt today before seeing a client. I wonder if she noticed I was high during the meeting. I must say that during that meeting, I felt that I was watching myself from within. It was very strange. I carefully listened to the words I was saying, making sure that I did not mispronounce and skip any syllables. I did not want my client to pick up on any clues. At one point, during the meeting , I was explainging to her that a new worker might come join me in the case. She asked me if they would replace me, and I said no. This is when she said that she didn’t want me to leave. This was a profound moment, because lately, I have felt useless, worthless, and without purpose. Today, my client gave me new hopes regarding how important I might be, and that I am indeed useful to the world, in a way. The Universe spoke to me on this day, while I was high. The voice of God. Like I always say, if you listning closely, the Universe will whisper to you.

I listened to Flume on the ride home, and some thoughts of dying perturbed me, but whenever I communicate with the Universe, I become calm. I do feel that it is itself an entity. I denounce all the traditional Gods, but I do propose and believe that the Universe itself is God.

 

Depression went away when I smoked. This is a good sign. I have not smoked, often, since last summer. Maybe it is time to pick up again before the summer ends.

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