I escaped to the beach again this weekend. Yesterday, I went to Newport alone and my friend from Boston came to meet me. We reconnected after many years of not seeing each other, and I am happy that she is generally happy with her life. She is the only friend that I have from high school. Nobody else truly mattered in the end. She left a couple of hours after, and I was left alone, far away from home and with nobody I knew. As much as I dislike people, I felt lonely, sad, and strange. It was relaxing to be there and not have to worry about having to leave when others wanted to, but I have never been to a beach by myself. I have never been so far away from home, completely alone. It made me realize, that although I tired quickly of people, at the end of the day, I need people. I need human contact. I left an hour and a half after she was gone to travel back home, which was 3 hours away.

Newport is one of my favorite places, and I love the Rhode Island coast very much, so it was well worth the travel. But the shore in my state of not majestic…so today’s beach trip was a downgrade.

K and I got into an argument, and I truly feel that I am not wanting to be friends with him anymore. He has been nothing but drama lately…although I have to admit that he is putting in effort in trying to actually communicate with me, and I have been ignoring him a great deal. Am I being too harsh on him? I don’t like to second guess my intentions or emotions…

I have become very obsessed with doing yoga every day or every other day. At least I will have something healthy to look forward to. Back to work tomorrow…and I am dreading it. But what can I do? I cannot not work and pay things off…but at the same time, I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. Being alone in Newport, which was only 3 hours away from home, made me question whether I really want to move away to Florida…which is 3 hours away by plane. I will have scattered family nearby, but it scares me to think that I will be alone. What if an emergency were to happen? Who will take care of me? I have to think things through, carefully. Maybe the first time that I move out from home should be somewhere nearby, and not across the country. But this is a decision that I have to think about. It all depends on the job market and on what happens through the rest of the year. It is stressful to think about a move across the country.

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