I woke up this morning feeling nostalgic, all thanks to a dream I had. I dreamt I was back in the island of Nueva Esparta off the coast of Venezuela, and on the beach that I used to vacation with my extended family every year…but it looked different. The colosal concrete stairway that lead to the beach itself was gone; pressumably lost to the ocean, according to my aunt, whom I spoke to in this dream. However, this is not possible in real life, unless it was demolished by man. The beach itself looked different, not as wide as it once was.

To realize that those were the happiest days of my life, days that I will never be able to relive, almost made me cry. I know that I will probably never go back, because I do not have the money, and because it is one of the most dangerous countries in the world. No force on earth could get me back to that land. And it is a sad statement; I was born there and, unknowingly, lived the happiest, most care free days of my life. Now, all I have are preoccupations about the current state of things, and the future. I am an empty shell of my former self. I am always told that in my childhood, I was most known for my laughter and smile. I don’t ask myself what happened, because I know that the answer is that “I grew up.” I related this dream to my father, and my wishes to go back, knowing that it is not possible, for that era has come and gone. He stated that childhood is the happiest time of our lives, and that we lived it well. I have to agree; aside from a few incidents here and there, I think I had a relatively happy childhood in the presence of my family. No doubt that if the political disaster has not occured, I would still be living there. And what a happy life that must have been. But “what might have been is an abstraction, remaining a perpetual possibility; only in a world of speculation…”

The rest of my day was spent in bed, with a headache. I did not have dinner until late, so I have no energy left. I realize that the more I ask about life, its meaning and origins, the more tired I become. No more. Leave this fragile mind of mine alone, forever.

I was supposed to see a friend today, but did not hear from him. Good, it spared me the trouble of canceling. I am in no mood to see or deal with other humans and their nonsense.

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