A pathetic day. It’s bright outside, but everywhere is crowded that it is pointless to attempt anything. State parks at capacity by 8 in the morning. A sad representation of this worthless place. So what am I to do? Stay in all day and lament my life? Clean and organize to take my mind off of things? I don’t want death to destroy me, but it will destroy all of us. Why does it have to be this way?

I swam in the ocean the other day. The water was cold and the winds blew. But on those few moments it was the ocean and I. It spoke to me; it told me not to be afraid. I was one with its energy, and it said that it was ok to be, and ok not to be. I surrendered myself to its mighty prescence, its magestic power. I was ok with everything and at peace with my fate. I was not afraid of anything. How healing its powers truly are. I wish that it would take me in at once, so that I could become one with it and its being.

But today, that ocean is far away. Today, I am reminded that I cannot enjoy the beauty of nature without running into other savage, ordinary humans who do not appreciate and only use nature to fulfill their wicked pleasures. How selfish. They don’t respect it. But this is why mother Earth sends nature to regulate populations. This is not to say that I wish death upon anyone, but we cannot argue against the wishes of the Earth. But who is to blame the Mother, anyway? Humans are destroying her; so she needs to heal herself…heal the hurt, just like all of us do.

And tomorrow, I return to be a capitalist slave. Nothing makes me more depressed than this type of life. But what can I do? I cannot not work and pay off my loans. I was scammed, like most of us were, into believing that school would gurantee me a steady and secure life. The only thing it has guranteed me is a lifetime of debt and slavery. No wonder people choose to die instead.