I slept after I got home. But not before being nagged by my father about how I failed to properly greet them after I returned from my trip. Home sweet home, as they say. Fuck this shit. I am an idiot for getting home sick, only to come back to this.

I stayed in bed and starved myself because I am so depressed, but hunger won and I gave in. I don’t think I will ever not be depressed. I think I was ok if I died while I laid in bed; I wanted to die. I didn’t care if I did. I guess I still don’t care if I do. I’m not sure what is happening to me. I am not getting better. I refuse to go back on medications because my sex life becomes shitty while I am on them. But how sad is it that I prioritize sex over my mental health? I am willingly choosing sex over pills. I hate pills…I will listen to nobody if they tell me that I need them. The only thing I need at this point is lots of money. It is pathetic; a pathetic notion. We place value on money over nature. Nature is real, but money is an illusion. I guess I learned nothing from my trip into the woodland wilderness of Vermont. I deserve to suffer if I place money higher than nature on the totem pole of life. I am another robotic victim of this system that we created. Yes, make no mistake. We are to blame. We made this system ourselves, and we are too afraid to tear it down. So in turn, we deserve to suffer, because even though most, if not, all of us were born into this system, we are not doing anything to change it. We are too preocuppied with waiting for the next iPhone and paying off our debts. The perfect trap; and how nicely it is working for this elite. Keeping us over worked, under paid, and sick….so that we may spend our money on our health and make them richer. Congratulations. But death will come for them all the same, nevertheless, their billions can’t save them.

I remember when I used to say: “I was born in the wrong era,” and now I chuckle with cynicism and delusion, because it’s not a question of being born in the wrong era, it’s a question of being born at all.

And so, tomorrow, I will go back to the life of a capitalist slave, while the beach bums of coastal cities enjoy another sunny day of being high by the beach.

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