Another day dark. While the sun shines outside, 50 lay dead in a pool of blood in another crime against humanity. These events do not favor my already sour mood; I shed some tears of sorrow for those who fell victim to hate. I should like to point out that nowhere is safe; clubs, schools, restaurants, movie theaters…I suppose the only safe place to be is in a mountain cabin. There are times where I toy with the idea of becoming a recluse, but I would fail at surviving. Even if you were to give up monetary principles, you would still need them for basic needs. I digress.

More quarrels with my father; if there is one thing he does not understand is my introversion. Now that I have been in this house for four days, which, I would like to say, have gone by quickly, I can reaffirm to myself that we do not get along. I do believe that the only reason for the improvement of our interactions have been because of our different work schedules. I was commenting to my friend earlier today that I cannot truly wait to finally be able to be on my own. It may come down to me renting a shack or a small room, but nevertheless, I will have to manage somehow. Times like these make me feel so unaccomplished. I have to try my best to stay busy outside of the house as much as possible. I am glad for work, it helps me keep occupied and productive, at times. Even on the weekends, I have to find a getaway. I am glad that summer is here (although at times, the weather tells a different story), so that I may escape to the beach. I have already proposed this idea to my friend Edward; he was in agreement.

I officially cut ties with B. It had to be done. I was, in no way, continue to put up with his cynicism and nonsense. I have never encountered someone so cynical and inconsiderate of others’s emotions and protests. To continue to speak with B. would have produced more torment for me. I deserve someone who is going to treat me right; I understand that I am not special, but I do deserve, like every other decent person, to be treated with respect, attention, kindness, and loyalty. It is a shame that this situation had to end this way, but it was long over due. The last few months were nothing but quarrels and the social spark has since disappeared.

It is interesting…we complain so much about the behavior and nonsense of other people, and how much they anger us. Yet, in the end, we crave companionship. I think that a small amount of friends should suffice…but why is it that people have the ability to annoy us and make us feel needy? Life could have picked one; but of course, like everything else, things are not so simple. I always tell myself: “There is always someone else that will come along the way,” and there shall be.

I continue to think about where I would want to move to. No special place has come to mind. It would be nonsense to move somewhere without any natural supports. In case of emergencies, which will happen, as they are a part of life, who would I turn to? Florida only makes sense; I abhor the winter and the snow, and I do have some supports present there. The northeast is a beautiful place, but it is much too costly. I was looking over a report yesterday that showed populations leaving New England for the south, southwest, and far west. Imagine that! I am sure that each region of this country is unique and beautiful, but I have been here long enough and it is time for a change.

Back to work tomorrow, which should take my mind off of things, for I have some catch up work to do and schedules to arrange. I am glad that I will get back into the routine of things, as lame as I may find it at times. I was rather disappointed when I was looking at my calendar and discovered that therapy is not this week, but the following week. Oh. I had many things to speak of this week…maybe I will call and ask to be seen earlier. Or maybe not.

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