Today I went to see my friend, whom I haven’t seen for a while. After a stimulating conversation about films and whether artists should be compensated for their work (details that I shall leave out, as they are not relevant at this time), we began to have sex. In the middle of our sexing, his phone rang and he announced that it was his mother.
After we finished, he called her back and the conversation that ensued was one of the most intense conversations that I have heard in a while. To respect his privacy, I shall not divulge the details of the conversation. The main topic discussed was money, as he is short for rent and not fully financially settled in school. His mother showed great concern, perhaps not in the healthiest of ways, but in a way that clearly upset him. I had absolutely no idea that his mother did not work; and when she suggested that he apply for welfare because he is a “poverty stricken adult,” it amazed how blunt a parent could be with their child. Although, I admit, perhaps that natural bond is lacking because he is adopted, but no matter; some parents lack that bond with the children that they themselves bear.

And so, the endless struggle continues; that sould draining and crushing battle that we face in the midst of the complicated tangle of our own lives. I see it in my profession all the time, but I have to be reminded that it also follows those who are in my inner circle. I held my friend for some time after this conversation, but I could not help to feel a sense of selfishness and happiness because this is something that is not happening in my life. Despite all the present yearnings for a better life, I should like to say that I am not truly struggling like many others out there. I want to take this moment to be grateful, for the now, for the present moment in which I am writing this document. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring; for it could bring life changing situations and new struggles that I will have to overcome. After all, this is one of the certainties of life; the eternal struggle. I just truly hope that this year goes according to plan, and that I can bring this situation under control in order to begin to plan for a better future. Despite all of the things that I do not have, I feel like, for once, there is some sort of level of stability in my life. I feel that I know what I want in the short term; for I still have no idea what I would like in the long term. I don’t think that anybody truly knows what they want in the long term. People may plan ahead and make goals, but humans are far too flawed to ever know that they are truly doing.

While I do not derive pleasure from the pain of others, I utilize these opportunities to put my life and my situation in perspective. I am grateful for my life, imperfect as it may be.

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