The deepest and most meaningful addresses do not start with calculation or a blueprint, but rather, they are a collective of thoughts that flow easily from deep seated ideas that seep from within. At this hour of my life, I am deeply and painfully struggling to make a decision on the plan of action for next year. Originally, I was going to put forth plans for Operation “Commonwealth,” but at this time, as I think deeper and deeper, I am faced with the realities of independent living in a city that ranks among the highest in the nation for cost of living. I have to admit that I feel a sense of disappointment because I still feel that this era of uncertainty continues to haunt me. I have been in a constant state of war with myself and society for the last 7 years; and it has taken a toll physically and mentally. My mind does not want war anymore, my heart longs for peace. Part of this peace is to come to terms with the fact that there can only be one certainty in our mind that can be concluded without doubt; the unreliability and disappointment of people. This has been, truly so, the only constant and a highlighting factor in our lives in the last decade. Having stated this; I know that even though I may feel lonely at times, it is better to feel lonely than to experience the pain and suffering of dealing with people’s nuisance. This allows me to refocus my energies and efforts into assembling a massive force of finances over the next year in order to tackle, once and for all, this burdensome debt that I have under my name. In order for me to be able to successfully complete this task, I must stay at home for another year and save up as much as I can. I would also have to, urgently, find a new job that pays no less than twice as much as I am making now. This will be difficult, but not impossible.
This is a difficult decision that is causing me a lot of nervous grief; I want to be as independent as I can be and as soon as possible. However, I would not be able to be fully independent and support the costs of independent life with the loans under my name on a monthly basis. There is no greater goal that I want to achieve than to move out into a city and to carry on my mission of greatness. However, this greater mission would be hindered by the financial burden that I have to tackle. I ask myself, at this troubling hour, “Is it better to live at home for another year and pay off the rest of my debt? Or is it better to seek independence and struggle to maintain it so by this financial anchor?” Indeed, once I move out, I would not want to move back in because of financial difficulties. I am trying to stay out, not move back in. It would be a gargantuan set back and humiliation indeed. Imagine! If we were settled into an independent life and began to make new friends and get used to true freedom only to be faced with the fact that we have to retreat all of our resources to move back home. Unthinkable. What would I say? How would I feel?
I should like to make the observation that perhaps some say that I have an irrational tendency to change my mind multiple times over a short period of time. This may be so; but the uncertainty of the present moment asks for these changes. If I am to be as established as I would like to be, if I want to impress and make a name for myself, I cannot do so with hindering factors. All I have left to do is to continue this struggle for freedom and conquest. Nevermind the events that may come from the date of December 12th; we must continue to plan accordingly, and must continue to be diligent and mindful of the advantages that will come from this plan.
At this point in my life, I am on a personal road to make things better for myself. I cannot allow anyone to distract me from my mission; I cannot allow anyone to penetrate the inner circle of self security that I have carefully worked on the last few years. For every negative outcome that has resulted from a failed friendship, I have learned more about the way that people operate. As one close confidant explained to me earlier today, “People talk to hear themselves talk,” and this is indeed the most valid statement that has been made to me in the history of my life. I will take this to heart and motivate myself to continue to carry on with the plans that I have in mind. There are many people that have taken the route of independence, but are deeply hindered by financial burdens. What happens, then? Is that a true statement of happiness? Is it a true, individual achievement to live independently but struggle? This is folly; the true characteristic of whim. I know many who live such a life, but struggle to make ends meet. Is this what we want for ourselves? Is this the life that we have invisioned? The era of the 20’s has been a difficult and foggy journey that will, no doubt, continue to bring challenges. But we cannot allow these challenges to defeat us; rather, we must take them seriously and as an opportunity to prove to those who have doubted us and who continue to doubt us, that we are capable of conquering the obstacles that we will encounter on this road.
This decision is difficult and brings the most nerve wrecking emotions…I have been struggling deeply over this. However, the only outcome that will grow from this decision is a seed of positivity and advantage over many others who choose to follow their egoistical aspirations and end up in a trap of financial struggle. I do not see this as a set back, but as a valuable decision that will bring peace of mind well before we reach our 30’s. This monstrous loan is something that I want to be rid of before then; and it should be so if we truly decise that this is the correct decision. There indeed comes a time when we have to decide between what is hard and easy…and the toughest decisions are always the right decisions.

I move forward, motivated, knowing that the outcome of this will only bring good fortune and a serene future for ourselves. We have traversed the most tumultuous waters of the storm infested ocean, and we must continue; we have not swam this far only to end up dead at the shore. The rest will work itself out the way that it is meant to.

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