It doesn’t matter if I’m a good person or not. Honestly. Bad shit happens to good people and it seems like the bad guys always get their way. I did everything I was told to do. I went to college. Busted my balls to study. Had no social life. Studied what I actually enjoyed studying. Did an internship. Volunteered. For what? I ask you. For what? The only jobs that try to recruit me are insurance sales which I KNOW for a fact is a shit “job” based on commission. And the only places I can apply to are shit minimum wage jobs. I have a fucking 4 year degree. I am 24. There are 18 year olds who are better off than me. Living on their own. I am educated unlike countless millions in this country and around the globe. Yes. It may not be the best degree. And yes, it doesn’t mean I’m the fucking best and better than everyone else. But I’ve been duped. I did everything they asked me to do and this is what happens? I can’t go out. I barely have friends left. When people want to see me I come up with excuses because I don’t wanna see them. I don’t wanna know how better off they are in the real world, and I don’t want them to ask me about my shitty fucking life. I’m a hermit. I deleted my facebook. I don’t care about anyone’s “perfect painted lives”. People I went to high school with are getting fucking married. Having kids. Moving to different states/countries. Having real jobs. And what am I doing? Oh that’s right. Still at home. Applying to fucking tj maxx because I need any money I can get to pay off my monthly school loans that were used to get a degree that can’t even land me a job that they told me I would get, because while I was getting my 4 and a half year degree to apply to your fucking position IN THE FIRST PLACE, you have the fucking nerve and AUDACITY to say that “this is an entry level position that requires at least 2-5 years of previous experience.” And I won’t get a masters. Why? Because it’s expensive, I don’t want to stay in this place, and god FORBID that when I graduate, you will tell me I am over qualified. I know people with master degrees that make $18.00 an hour being secretaries. Try to make sense out of that if you can. I am not grateful for anything. I don’t give a fuck. And no. Stop trying to tell me my problems ain’t real problems because other people around the world have it oh so much worse. Fuck that. Just because they have it worse doesn’t mean my problems should be devalued. They’re REAL to me. And I can’t fucking move on with my fucking life and it’s fucking eating away at me from the inside out. And don’t you dare say I’m victimizing myself. I’ve done everything I can to rise above this situation. I’m a fucking fighter. And I’ve fought against this current so much that I’m bruised all over. I know I’m not the only one in this situation. So yes. This is what it has come down to. This is what is happening to me and countless other people around the best country in the world that they call america. I’m done. Done. Just let me die already and make it fast. I can’t even smoke because if I get drug tested I’m fucked. The one fucking thing that made my life tolerable, I can’t even do anymore. This is reality. A reality that I deny by taking whiskey shots before bed time just so I could fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. Why? Because I have a better time asleep. Unconscious. You’re relieved when you wake up from a nightmare. But every morning I wake up INTO a nightmare; a nightmare I call my life.