Dear me,

This is your life. Before I begin to tell you more, I want to let you know that this life is YOURS and nobody else’s. Understand that this is real; this is not a dream. This is not some numb nightmare, as you tend to describe it as. 
Now, let us assess the situation. You are 23. You just graduated with a psychology degree that, as of now, you aren’t sure you wanted in the first place. Look, you changed your major, how many times? Let’s see: Latin American Studies, Political Science, International Relations, English, Human Development and Family Studies, then, finally, Psychology. How many times did you want to drop out of college? About two. Was college something you TRULY wanted? Or did you go because society and your family assured you that it was the only way to find a job? No. You did not want to TRULY go to college. You were under the mist. Changing your major six times and wanting to drop out two proves it. But now, it’s too late. You can’t go back. You can’t change anything. So: take what you learned and go forward. If you hand’t gone to college, you wouldn’t have gotten into drama with people. You wouldn’t have experimented with weed, you wouldn’t have had sex, and you wouldn’t have learned everything you learned about people. Those are lifetime lessons that nobody can take away from you. Textbook lessons? Maybe you didn’t really learn anything significant from textbooks. After all, how much did you truly read? So just appreciate the fact that you spent time reading and training your brain. I’m not telling you that you didn’t learn ANYTHING, I’m merely saying that you learned more from talking to people than from textbooks. 

So, you wanted to become a Social Worker? Why would you go to Grad School and continue to sink yourself into more debt? Social Work is not a lucrative career. And this Master’s title does NOT guarantee you a job. Are you going to spend the rest of your life listening to other people’s problems? Are you going to become an alcoholic because of it? Who is going to help YOU when it comes time to rant? Yes, Social Workers may have their OWN counselors, but why contribute to the cycle? How about you don’t? Besides, you know that everything in your life, up to this point, has happened for a reason. See this as a blessing in disguise. You may not be able to get a job with your psych degree alone, but understand that you are not going to be unemployed forever. Besides, if you aren’t even sure of WHAT you want to do, why conclude that this is the field you HAVE to go to? 

You are still young. Truly. Focus on paying off these private loans. You have two of them. That’s not SO terrible. Think of the people who are 50,000 dollars or 90,000 dollars more in debt than you are. What about them? Sorry, but you HAVE to use social comparison in this case. You are better off than they are because your debt is MUCH smaller. It’s the average amount of debt that someone accumulates anyways, so you fall into the average category of college debt after four years. Focus on paying off these two loans, and try to do so before the year ends. Take as many hours as you can. 
As for living home: Can I just tell you something? Fuck everyone who judges you for it. People who do so are ignorant and superficial. You are being smart. Why move out and eat ramen noodles while you struggle to make ends meet when you can be at home when YOU are READY to leave? Why go with what society says? True, you may not be able to bring guys over, but who cares? You’re not a virgin, and you’re still young. You have plenty of time for sex in the future. I’m not saying that being a virgin is a bad thing; but think of the people who WISH they could do sexual activities but can’t. You, at least, are experienced. You have life experience from dealing with drama in High School and College. 
You also have to understand that you are extremely lucky. How many parents want their kids out of their house? How many people have left their homes at 18 because they either don’t get along with their parents, or because their parents want them out? True, this may make them fighters, but at the end of the day, they are missing something extremely important and vital. Your parents love you. They have no problem with you staying at home for as long as you need to. They don’t charge you rent. Other people are not as lucky. See this as a blessing. Some may call it “welfare,” but you should call it a blessing. Know that. And honestly, if you lived on your own, how different would life be? You know that the only thing that would change is that you would be able to bring a guy home. That’s it. Would you still go to parties? No. You’re an introvert. So think of it as: not much will change, other than having your own actual space and being able to do anything with whomever you want. That will come, eventually. This is a stepping stone. You know how difficult life is, things have changed. It’s not like before. There may be people younger than you who already have their own place; but with roommates or with rent. Stop comparing yourself to other people. This is going to lead you nowhere but further into depression. Focus on YOUR own plans. What are YOU doing to progress? The mere fact that you are being smart and staying home while tackling the bigger student loans is important. The fact that you are able to work two jobs and go to the gym, as you please, is also important. Not many people can do that. It’s OK to work two jobs. It’s OK to work retail. You should be glad that you get to work at your University doing research work for your professor. You should be glad that she ASKED you to work for her. You didn’t have to apply. That job literary fell from the heavens. Yes, it may not be a job that pays all your bills. Yes, it may be temporary, and yes, it may be part time, but just think of how lucky you are. You have those hours, every week, until the end of the year, guaranteed. This was a job that was only supposed to last until May, and now, you have it until December. Rejoice!!! 

Now, after your HIV test on Monday, which will come back negative, you need to come out of this social loner mode that you have plunged into since February. It was great the first three months, or so, but now, you are starting to crack. It is beginning to show. You NEED social contact with your friends and acquaintances. There is nothing to do in this god forsaken state, but when you hang out with other people, you know that things become better. You don’t have to tell them all the details of your life, you can just hang out with them. Spend time with them. Remember to focus on you. Only you. If they tell you about their successes, congratulate them and move on to the next topic of conversation. Just remember what the Buddha says: A jug fills up drop by drop.
This is part of your problem. You expect to have results at once. Nothing is going to fall from the sky. Nothing is going to improve from one day to the next, unless you win the lottery. Do know that nothing is permanent. 
I want you to be more positive. You know for a fact that this will make your life better. You know for a fact it works. You have done it before. It has worked. Keep doing it. I KNOW it’s hard. I know you have a depressive personality; but you NEED to be strong and you need to take CONTROL of your life before depressions claims victory over you. 

I don’t want you to think too far into the future, but just know that when the year comes to an end, you will have to make a decision. You are going to have to find a full time job. Keep looking and keep searching. You can’t give up. Who knows what will happen from today until December? Life is full of surprises. You need to stay positive. After Monday, begin to do what you said you would do when you made that list on your tumblr yesterday. Your life will get better.
Thanks for allowing me to criticize you. It’s important to do this and to be able to plan things out. Your life is not that bad. Yes, it may be extremely boring, but that’s not your fault. You live in a boring state, and you are in the process of opening up the path to independence. You are trying; and that is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

Love,

Myself

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