God I am so fucking exhausted. I’m sorry for not writing in a while. Things have been so strange and depressing. I got my new medications today. New anti depressants and Xanax for anxiety. Ha. It’s funny how things work. Or don’t work.

I had a severe reaction to my other medication and my entire body went numb, my face swelled up, my eyeballs twitched, and I threw up for an hour straight. All with a horrible migraine. I almost went to the ER.

I’m still a boat lost at sea. A dark sea. I’m floating and I have no idea where I am going to end up. At all.

I decided not to to go Miami for grad school because I can’t live with my aunt. She is too conservative and I would not want to live under her roof and under her rules. Not to say she doesn’t accept me for who I am, but I cannot put myself through that. I just can’t. So I will graduate in December and not know what to do next.

I got my manager that I hate fired from my work, so that’s a great accomplishment. Wether she was fired or she was forced to resign; it doesn’t matter. It was all because of me. I take credit and responsibility for her exit. Finally; a power move. I had power over someone’s life. How sweet it feels. Is this what god does to us? Is that why he feels inclined to ruin some lives? It is gratifying, I must say. So I don’t blame him for it, honestly. Yet, I still think it’s a shit move to screw over a GOOD fucking person like myself, and other millions across the globe.

There’s honestly nothing else going on at all. I’m on thanksgiving vacation, and I don’t give two fucks about thanksgiving. Nobody needs a holiday to be thankful for shit. Be thankful every day of your LIFE.

I have also decided not to care about my problems. If I do, I am going to drive myself crazy and I’m going to make myself worse. I cannot control certain things, and I will not. And I will not worry about what I cannot control. I am resigned to not having a fun social life like every other fucking person out there. It just isn’t happening for me. It has to not happen to someone, right? Just like I am destined to be alone forever. Has to happen to someone, right?

There’s nothing else to say, really. Nothing at all. I wish there was. Believe me.

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