Today I went to the doctor for my physical. I requested anti depressants. And I told him that all I do is eat and I do not gain any weight. I also told him that I go to the gym three times a week and nothing.

He prescribed some anti depressants. He said that these kind of anti depressants have been around for a very long time. They are not as powerful, but they help with anxiety as well. I hope that they work. He said that if they don’t, then I have to call him. I am seeing him again in a month. He also recommended a new therapist. Good thing he is not in a shitty part of town. I hope that this works. It will be a combination of therapy, anti depressants, and the gym. Plus music. Sammy said that this is the road to recovery. I will keep you informed. I already feel confident about this.

In other news, this whole florida thing is putting everything on hold. I don’t now what to do with my life.

That’s all that there is to update for now. I doubt anything drastic will happen. I always wonder, going into a new year, if anything exciting or drastic is going to happen. I guess this whole florida thing is a big event..but nobody knows if it’s even going to happen. Either way, my dad still has one year left at work. I am hoping against all odds that they do not have to go back to south america because I have no idea what is going to happen with my life if they do. I am so angry about this situation. This just goes on to prove that there is no god. This is the biggest fear that I have. I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of them moving back to south america. I could not leave them like that.  I could not live my life nor with myself if they had to face insecurity every single day. That is not life. That is nothing. It’s hell. This is what the worst possibility would be. But I wonder…would dear auntie let that happen? It’s too far down the road to think about anything related to that. I would have a choice to stay here in the usa or go with them. I think that I would have to go with them. I’d rather die with them instead of living without them. For now.

 

I don’t know. The biggest age of uncertainty is upon us. I have never experienced this much of it ever.

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