It has been sometime since I have written here. I am not sure if things are better or not. Maybe I can say that they are better. Supposedly getting a new job soon, and I am applying for my first ever internship. I mean, it is all that I could find for now. I have decided to stop worrying and to go along with the wind and the flow of life.

It turns out that Henry and I remain friends, even after I stopped the hook ups. He has a BF now, which shocks me because I do not think that he is ready for a relationship, but then again I cannot control anyone.

I am done with immature little boys who run to mommy and daddy for help. Sure, our parents are always here for us, but when you cannot fight your own battles, then there is clearly something wrong with you. Your ongoing personal problem is not something that I want to deal with, and we were never going to go out. Right? This was the last straw for me. It is not important whatsoever to name the details of this short paragraph, as they are not worth it.

Justin is moving to NYC. I think that he said that today was the day…but I have not heard anything about it in details. You know, if there was anyone who did make me feel like salvation had arrived, it was him. Never mind the other fucker. He was not as smooth, loyal, or romantic. Justin fit everything so perfectly. I might as well give it another try. But what if he doesn’t want to? I can’t control that, but I can at least try. I will do my absolute best not to get my hopes up, because I do not want to get myself worked up about anything, just to have it fail in the end.

I have also laid out a financial plan. It is rather ridiculous to call it a financial plan, but oh well, there are no other names that I can call it. For this plan, I will only spend money on Starbucks, occasional McDonalds, gas, and to pay off my MacBook Air. Three more months and it should be all paid off…I think? This will allow me to save a bit of money to do other things, like go to NYC and spend lazy days at the museums. How I long for that. Maybe Justin can be there with me? I am not sure, but it would not hurt for me to ask him.

I also think that it is for the absolute BEST to stay single. Life has given me many signs that I have ignored, and I dread myself for it. I should not be listening to my heart because it only gets me in trouble. There is nothing that I can do or say, my heart is guilty of making me think that some things would turn out ok, when in the end they were complete disasters. So yes, it is best to focus on me and to work on myself, not only mentally, but physically. This is so that when the next person comes (I will not lie, I hope that it is Justin), I will be more than ready to open myself up again. From this point on, I will not be dating anyone who is younger than I am, because these people have daddy issues and they do not know how they are. Not to say that I am perfect, because Lord knows that I am not, but still, it will save me a lot of grief.

Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson have played a very important part in my life this past year or so. With Kelly’s new empowering CD and Carrie’s new darker CD, I think that I can put my life well into perspective and be able to recognize what is right and what is wrong. Music in general has become such an important part of my life, I do not know where I would be without it.

Other than this, there is not much going on in life. I will do my absolute best to try to enjoy my parents and to be kind to them. I have been so selfish and uncaring these past few years…but the reason for this is because I have been going through countless inner struggles that required the utmost nurture, not only from myself to the self, but from other people as well. This would explain a lot. Also, I have learned, that as humans, we always feel the need to feel important and to have other people pay attention to us. This new book I am reading, “How to win friends and influence people” is teaching me a lot of this. I must say that the book is rather dull, even though it has a powerful message. I should like to also say that the stories that the author includes are pointless, and nothing but filler. If he were to only list the solutions and lessons that he so seeks to convey, then the book would merely be 25 pages or so. But this cannot be, for he did not want it to be this way. Still, I shall now skim around and hope to learn nothing but the best.

I look forward to enjoying summer…it is my last summer of freedom before I graduate. Until then, I will continue to keep you in my thoughts, and be forever grateful to you for having been here for me this entire time. It has not been an easy journey, and it will continue to be difficult, but one day at a time is the best way to live life.

Kind regards, always,

D.A.

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